I had expected to be sharing wonderful news with you all (if I even have any readers left, with my updates so few and far between) in a few weeks. However, that's not the case. Jason and I have been trying to start a family for a few months, and we found out May 8th that I was pregnant. We were elated, ecstatic, and absolutely in love with our growing baby. I read somewhere that when you're pregnant, it's love at first thought. I think that's the perfect way to describe how we felt. We were going to wait to tell our parents the news until after our first doctor appointment, but they unexpectedly decided to come up to see us over Memorial Day weekend, so we broke the wonderful news then. As Jason and I are the eldest children, both sets of parents were just as excited as we were, and were looking forward to being grandparents for the first time.
I'm sure you see where this is going, but Wednesday morning, I was having a bit of spotting, so Jason and I headed off to the doctor for an ultrasound. I was a little worried, but I'd read some spotting can be normal, so while apprehensive, I was also looking forward to seeing our little bean on the ultrasound, since our first appointment was still 2 weeks away, and the waiting was making me crazy. However, the news wasn't good. Our little bean was measuring over a week behind, and although there was a heartbeat, it was only around 40 bpm. The doctor told us it was probably the beginning of a miscarriage.
He was right. I miscarried Thursday night. 6/1/2006 at 7 weeks. The worst day of my life.
People say all sorts of things when they find out someone miscarried. Yes we're young, yes we can and will try again, yes it was early, yes it was probably "meant to be," but you know what? Knowing those things doesn't take the pain away. I'm lucky, though, in that I've had wonderful support from online message board buddies, my husband and my family. It's hard to say goodbye to someone you never got to meet, but we're doing our best to make it through.